susannah

I’ve been absent from here for awhile.  I posted weigh-ins for the Heartbreakers, but I’ve not been around much more than that.  The short version is that after 7 years, my husband and I are divorcing.  This is a good thing for me, believe me, but the past week has been extremely tough.  I think the worst is over. I hope.  And now instead of focusing on the end, I can start to focus on a new beginning.  There are so many things I’m looking forward to.  I’ve found a new me under this weight that I’ve lost - one that realizes that I deserve nothing but happiness and respect from the people in my life.   I know it’s a common cliche that people change when they have such a dramatic weight change.  I’m not sure I changed, but I found myself again.  I’ve remained focused on my health and fitness through all this though, and I can stand here today and say that I’ve lost 75 lbs.  Only 150 to go, but I’m officially 1/3 of the way there.

Anyway - this is mostly just a post to say where I’ve been and to say out loud what I’ve been up to.  I haven’t been there for my buddies lately, but I hope they understand.  Once I have more of me to give, I’ll be back in my usual way - trying to support and cheer on my pals in this goal of health.  But for now, I am in self-preservation mode and have some things to take care of.   I hope you all understand.

 Love,

Susannah

You heard me.  Going on a DIET will not make you slim.  It might help you lose a few pounds, but it won’t help you keep them off.  Shelli and I exchanged emails in which I began to rant and then I decided to save it for a blog post, (Hi Shelli)  but here’s the deal:

If you regularly eat a tub of icecream and “supersize” your hamburger and french fries for dinner, then suddenly dropping to a 1400 calorie diet (or whatever your diet of choice is) is NOT GOING TO MAKE YOU THIN.  Even if you lose 50 lbs this way, if you still have the expectation that someday when you get to your goal weight, you will stop dieting, you are mistaken.

By the same token, if while you are on that 1400 calorie diet, and one day you eat a tub of icecream in a moment of weakness, do not think for one minute you are doing yourself any favors by “restarting” your diet tomorrow. 

In both cases, you need to look at your motivation.  People who are thin, unless they are working out 4 hours a day, do not eat 2000 calorie diets (what most food labels say is typical).  For a 150 pound person to maintain their weight with light exercise, they only need 1850 calories a day.  If a typical meal at Olive Garden is 1500 calories (without salad or breadsticks or a beverage), then you can see how you are going to have to get a grip on your food intake FOR LIFE.

Ask yourself if Jennifer Aniston (or whomever your favorite skinny celebrity is) occasionally eats an ice cream cone.  Sure!  Of course, that’s life, it’s normal, ice cream is good and it’s a nice treat sometimes.  But I can bet you a million dollars she doesn’t say, “wow, that was really bad for me, and because it was so bad for me, I’m going to spend all day today eating all the bad things I’ll never eat again - fried this, and too many of that - and then tomorrow I’ll start eating right again.”  Nope.  I bet she says, “wow that was good.  Don’t want to let that go to my thighs though, I think I’ll work out an extra 30 minutes today and maybe I’ll make sure I only eat fish or chicken the next day or two.”

 My point to all this is twofold:

 1.  If you think of it as a diet, you will gain it back when you resume your old eating habits.  It’s called a yo-yo diet for a reason.  If you think of it as a total and long-term lifestyle change, not only will your attitude about food improve, but you’ll find ways to incorporate the “sinful” things into an overall healthy lifestyle.

2. When you inevitably eat something terribly unhealthy - consider it a treat, do not consider it a failure or an excuse to continue the bad behavior.  Acknowledge and correct immediately.  And if you find that you’re doing it pretty regularly - STOP IT.  Remove the temptations from your house, don’t eat at fast food places, when you get a craving, ask your self this:  Can I avoid it for 15 minutes?  Then in 15 minutes, ask yourself again, “Can I avoid it for 15 minutes.”  Pretty soon you’ll be to your next meal or snack and you will have avoided putting something in your mouth that will derail your progress.

SO to the challenge.

I listened to a speaker about a month ago, and he said something that has really struck a nerve with me.  His context was not specifically about dieting, but it works in so many areas of your life.  It was this, (essentially):

Do you have a clear vision of what you want for yourself?  Most people do.  You have a golden opportunity that will get you to that place more sooner than later.  Ask yourself at every decision - at every fork in the road, “Does this one small thing get me closer to or farther from where I want to be.”   If the answer is “farther”  then don’t do it.

My challenge to you is to be AWARE of the tiny - almost imperceptible - decisions you make every day and ask yourself - does this get me closer or farther.   If your goal (like mine is) is to be healthy, active and slim - then when you flip on the television to find something to watch, does that get you closer?  Nope?  Then watch the program, but sit on the floor and stretch, or do leg lifts or ANYTHING active.    When you walk to the fridge - what is going to make you healthy, active, slim?  Is it closing the door?  Or is it choosing something like a piece of fruit?  I’m pretty sure it’s not the leftover halloween candy you stashed in the freezer.  You could get creative.  Get a timer and set it for every 20 minutes.  Everytime it goes off, ask yourself how you could improve what you’re doing to get you closer to your goal.  Working at your desk?  Sit up straight and get better posture - or better yet stand up and do a lap around the building - better still - walk outside and get some fresh air.  See what I mean?

Good luck.  And I don’t want to hear about anyone “falling off the wagon” or starting over.  If you want to be healthy and trim, then you have to THINK healthy and trim - and healthy, trim people do not “start over” being healthy and trim.  They just are.

/Soapbox.

When I’m a size 10, I will be not much different than I am today.

Sure smaller clothes will fit and look better on me, but what I’m discovering is many of the things that I thought wouldn’t or couldn’t happen until I’m a size 10 are happening NOW.  I’m already eating and living healthier.  I already have people ask me how I’m accomplishing this great weight loss - I don’t have to be a size 10 to have learnings to share, yano? 

I’m already more athletic and limber than I was 5 months ago.  My stamina is improving.   I’m running (when the trainer isn’t watching and yelling at me about less impact on my knee) - and I completed a 12 minute mile today - which means I’m just as fast as my step-daughter (who is in 7th grade and really probably ought to get in better shape with me….).  I know this isn’t much, but it’s GREAT improvement and someday that’ll be an 11 minute mile, and then a 10 minute one.

Anyway, I’m running out of things that will be different about me when I’m a size 10, so I guess I need to find something else to blog about!  The only thing that’ll be different when I’m a size 10, is that the number in my pants will be different.

When I’m a size 10, I will paint little Longhorns on my big toes (Hook’em Horns!)- or maybe little flowers - or maybe silly holiday designs.  The point is that I will comfortably reach my toes long enough to give myself fancy pedicures. 

I’m already able to do so many things that I couldn’t 60 lbs ago - cross my legs, sit on the floor on my knees (and get back up), and paint and remove the polish from my toes.  I can’t wait to see how much more I can do when I reach a size 10!  I used to be able to do the splits when I was in high school.  I wonder if I’ll be able to do that again? *laugh* probably not

Another interruption in the “When I’m a size 10″ blog…

If you have diabetes or have been diagnosed as pre-diabetic, take this VERY seriously.   My husband is a Type 2 diabetic who has not been even remotely managing his diabetes.  Sure he took his Metformin every day, but he never tested his blood sugar with the home monitor, and he didn’t watch what he ate, and the worst sin of all, he drank rum and cokes - several a day.  Well, that all caught up with him and we spent 3.5 days in ICU becuase his blood sugar was spiking at 370 and not responding to insulin.  Not to mention his liver functions were compromised and all the fun that goes with high blood sugar:  blurry vision, panicky-anxious feelings, confusion, nausea, stomach cramps, general all-over aches and pains, and the list goes on.

It was a scary couple of days, I’ll tell you, and I think it was enough to get him to take it seriously - now we’re counting carbs and fats together as he relearns how to eat.  He has a pharmacy bill that’s a mile long for all the drugs they’ve got him now trying to correct and heal all the damage done.  And I’m certain we’re going to put the son or daughter of an endocrinologist through college.

Anyway - I just wanted to say this in case there was someone out there who was pre-diabetic and struggling to alter their eating habits to avoid diabetes.  Take it seriously.  Do something about it.  Don’t wait til you’re sitting in an ER to realize that you had all the power to make the right choices, but didn’t.

Had my training session today with the master trainer this morning (the PhD guy/chiropractor?) and I feel like conquering the world!  I was able to do all of the exercises he had me try - even some that I didn’t think I could do.  I sweat my rear end off, and I can already feel the beginnings of what will be an outright muscle ache tomorrow in my butt, inner thighs and hamstrings.   Wish I could win the powerball, I’d love to work out with him more than once a month.

Anyway, interrupting the “when I’m a size 10..” blog entries for a quick booty-shake to share!

When I’m a size 10, I will make a pair of jeans look good.

Over the weekend, I tried on my jeans and realized that it has been awhile since I’ve worn them.  They don’t really fit, and they’re baggy and loose in all the wrong places.  But here’s the quandary:  Do I buy new ones?   If I do, what size do I buy?  As my waist line continues to shrink, if I spend the money now on a pair of jeans that fit today, they’ll also be too loose in about 6 weeks.   They’ll only fit well maybe 4 weeks.  And I only get to wear jeans maybe once a week, so add that factor in, and the price per wearing is a little high.   I had thought about consignment or e-bay, but the thought of wearing already-worn clothes kinda freaks me out just a little.   I still haven’t decided what to do - and I probably won’t do anything for a little while anyway.  I can still wear these, they just don’t look all that great.

BUT, when I’m a size 10, I will buy several pairs of great blue jeans and I will get to wear them in so they fit MY body like a glove, and I’ll make them look good!

When I’m a size 10, I will TOTALLY wear one of those skanky sexy nurse halloween costumes.  Or maybe the sexy kitty.  Or the sexy witch.

OMG, can you believe halloween costumes are out?  Wasn’t it just summer like last week?  Not temperature wise here in Kansas City anyway…. but still.  It’s not time for halloween yet.  Once halloween hit’s it’ll be next year!  November and December are always a whirlwind for me.

Anyway the point being - I noticed that like 90% of the available women’s halloween costumes are “sexy” this or “sexy” that.  I always scoffed when I saw girls out in public wearing those types of costumes.  But yano?  I’m big enough (mentally - shutup!) to admit that that was jealousy.  When I’m a size 10, I am gonna find something super hot and wear it in public without a flutter of an eyelash.  And my husband will probably go to jail from beating some guy to a total pulp for ogling me in it. *Laugh*  Oh well, I’ll fight that battle when we get there, huh?

When I’m a size 10, I will sleep through the night without waking up a dozen times because my arm has fallen asleep - again.

About 2 out of every 3 nights I sleep fitfully.  Even though I have a brand-new ultra-uber comfy bed (a Stearns and Foster latex foam core *droooool*), I still sleep on my stomach and can’t seem to get to sleep without having a hand and arm tucked up under my face.  And without fail, when I sleep like that, my arm falls asleep.  And then I wake up and have to switch sides.  It happens dozens of times EVERY NIGHT.  I have tried only having 1 pillow, and I’ve tried having 4.  I cannot get to sleep in any other position.  Gah!

Anyway, I’m hoping that by the time I’m my ideal weight/size, I’ll have both better circulation and less weight resting on that arm.  Since this has only started in the last 4-5 years of my life, I’m hoping that once I clear 280 I’ll start sleeping better.  Imagine what I could do with all the energy I’d get from sleeping soundly all night every night!

When I’m a size 10, I will be in the best shape I’ve been in since I was 17.  Isn’t that scary?    I haven’t worn a size 10 since I was a Junior in high school.   (See proof)

 (Don’t even laugh at my hair or the outfit -in my defense, it was the 80’s).  Because of that, I’m not even sure if 10 is realistic.  I look at this picture (taken my senior year in high school with my mom’s car - size 12 here) and laugh at myself.  Back then I thought I was so very fat.  I wonder if I gave up on myself back then and that’s how I got here today?  At least today I can say that I’ve seen my highest weight and everything since then is skinnier than I was.  Maybe with that mentality and the knowledge that I can do this (and AM doing it), I can continue to push to be healthier and healthier and see 10 again.